When It’s Hard To Make Decisions…

I care deeply about what other people think of me. According to my life coach (also- bless her) I care more about the voices of those who hold a high seat in my inner counsel. I am a 6 on the enneagram, and I am convinced 6’s have a REALLY hard time hearing the voice of God because there are so many voices. 

The voice of our mentor. 

The voice of our spouse. 

The voice of our best friend. 

The voice of our pastor.

The voice of our parents. 

The voice of our boss.

So imagine, you are trying to make a decision and not only are you trying to identify your own thoughts, but you are incorporating the thoughts of everyone around you that matters to you and then trying to sift the voice of God through all that mess. Seriously it’s exhausting and we can enter into “analysis paralysis” because it feels like we can’t make a decision that will appease everyone.

But what we have to understand is that we will never make a decision that everyone 100% agrees with or supports. And this weight of decision making doesn’t just have to apply to a number on a personality assessment.

Our circumstances, our life experiences, our perspectives and our views are all things that shape who we are. We aren’t the same, and if we were then life would be pretty boring.

But there is something that we CAN do, even when we can’t please everyone or when we may not see eye to eye.

We can have empathy.

We can hear people’s stories and be willing to understand the reason behind them sharing a post on social media or coming off with a comment.

We can care about our decisions and we can weigh some voices higher than others but we are all just trying to do the best we can with what we have (thanks, Annie F. Downs).

We can care about our decisions because our thoughts and feelings do matter. And aside from Jesus, then maybe our spouse, we know ourselves the best. We know our needs, or circumstances, our past and what we want for our future and that is not up to anyone to make sense of.

But if you are on the other side of the decision. You can have empathy that decisions are hard to make.

You can remember what it’s like to be excited about something and have someone that you love react poorly to a decision you make.

You can remember how hard it is making a decision knowing not everyone will agree with you, but it’s not the end of the world. 

You can remember what it’s like to wonder if this decision will turn into something bigger than it needs to be.

You can trust that God is with your friend, sibling, boss, or daughter and that He will guide their steps and make their paths straight.

You can trust that people have dreams outside of what we may see or understand and you can want them to be happy.

You can remember that decisions are hard to make and you don’t want to be one of the ones that makes it harder.

We only have one life to be human. What we do with it matters, how we engage matters. And it’s too fragile and short compared to eternity to not make decisions, or to make decisions in fear of what others around you will say.

Especially if you are well intentioned.

Especially if you want to live well.

Especially if you are in a toxic environment.

Especially if God is calling you somewhere else.

Expectations walk a fine line of betterment and destruction.

I was talking to a friend the other day and he was saying that we will always have to make decisions. Most of the decisions in our life are really hard to completely screw up. But often, we make a decision and it leads us somewhere. Then we will make another decision, and another and another because things are always changing. He affirmed me and my husband that we make great decisions, and he assured us it’s pretty hard to pick the wrong answer when each opportunity presents itself with multiple right choices.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend my life wondering if my full committee is in favor of every decision I make.

I also don’t want to be the friend that is raising all the red flags for someone else’s decisions. I want to be the friend that is cheering and supporting and reminding my people that I’m with them.

It’s a dance, and it’s worth taking the first step.

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