Ashes To Ashes…

On March 12th, I woke up at 3:47am.

I sat up straight and I heard, felt, sensed God tell me…

I’ve never been one to say that “God told me…” or “I heard God say…” because I feel like He never speaks to me audibly.

He usually speaks to me through people, moments, revelations while writing…there’s only been one other instance that I feel like He clearly painted something in my mind of His words that He wanted me to know. He told me to, “Hold On…and it will all be worth it”, in relation to my job two years ago.

He repeated it to me. Over and over again, when I needed it.

I listened, and I saw that He was good.

Even in the past couple weeks, I’ve recently taken a cold break from social media. It’s been glorious.

Even as a Communication Director for a local church I could take a very personal, intimate, needed break from one of the most powerful tools in today’s modern age.

I quickly realized when your social media becomes an outlet that is nothing about you, it changes everything.

I am only logged into Instagram on the church account, when I get onto Facebook I don’t scroll through my news feed but instead check notifications for anything involving the church page, young adult ministry page, or local events.

I deleted Snap Chat completely and if I get it back I probably won’t remember my password.

This has created a lot of room. Room that I was begging for and anxious that I didn’t have.

I wanted more time to write, more time to bring my knees to the floor or to sit and enjoy the heavy as hell Narnia-Esque snow and the fire crackling in this sweet old home.

I wanted more time to spend attentive to how I am really feeling and to be fully present, fully myself, because recently it’s been hard to communicate.

Without all the time scrolling, posting, crafting, comparing, worrying there’s been more time for all of that.

So when i think about this, I think about many things that He could be reconstructing for my own good.

Maybe a massive shift is about to happen in my family. Maybe their acceptance of Jesus is close on their lips and being sown into their hearts.

Maybe it’s ministry and the local church.

Maybe it’s recovering heartbreak of things lost and things learned and things tucked away in that box that sit on the shelf.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s Jesus answering some of my hardest questions.

I don’t exactly know what God is making new, or why He felt the need to reassure me that He is.

But…He did. I believe Him.

Today, I poured myself a cup of coffee. And before the sun was even out I was scooping ashes out of my fireplace.

As each shovel full of grey, airy ash went into a Trader Joes bag a little cloud of dust would rise from its fall.

Then I sat. As I assessed my heart, and realized how close we are to celebrating the death and resurrection of the Creator Redeemer, the hue outside revealed trees blanketed in inches upon inches of heavy, wet snow.

I starred.

He makes us white as snow.

He really is making all things new…