“Don’t…unless you’re desperate…”
“That will make you look desperate…”
“What if they think I’m desperate?…”
What if they do think you are desperate? Why does that matter?
Looking, feeling, acting desperate isn’t something that we exactly strive for. It harbors in the realm of weakness and serves as the co-author of shame…yet, there is a place that challenges our perception of “desperate”. This place where we are actually asked to fall, submit, and worship in this place of…
d e s p e r a t i o n
It’s hard to believe, right? Why would we be asked, or commanded, to get desperate?
There are very clear moments where I feel like God commands me, asks me, gently guides me to the point where I need to know that I am desperate, desperate for Him, because I have no power, and I am not all knowing. Yet He is and He is worthy. These moments can look different but sometimes for me they are where I very strongly know that I need to get on my knees. Sometimes I listen, usually when I am alone, and sometimes I don’t listen even though I can feel the weight drop in my gut pulling me towards the floor.
Sometimes I try to hold myself up simply because…I don’t want to look desperate.
Honestly, sometimes, I feel like when I need to go to that place I am too afraid of the awkwardness, the intensity it might convey, or how it might make others uncomfortable who are in the room with me. Even when there’s a clear and loud command from the sweet Jesus sweeping through the room, moving in and out of every breath I take. Often I let my flesh and shame win because of my fear or my lack of comfort. My fear that being desperate is a bad thing, that it defines me as weak and disqualified.
The fear I have of being or getting desperate applies to someone’s perception of me, or how I might think I look. I’m afraid of rejection…of judgement. When I actually get desperate before God it’s not even His perception of me I am worried about. He doesn’t have a perception of me except loved, chosen, cherished, beloved and even as far as good. When I meet Him face to face, in the most humbling moment, where the daughter He so dearly loves is coming before His throne, He meets me there.
No qualifications, no perceptions, no ideas…just pure, real, true love in my desperation.
Desperation offers the sweetest moments…
Just like when we first came to know and understand what a relationship with Jesus looked like He fills us with immense joy and peace.
Just like when we realize that we can’t change the hearts of those we love no matter how badly we wish we could, He reminds us He is in control.
Just like when we have no idea what life was going to look like after this season, He holds our hand.
Just like when we don’t understand why starting a family is so hard, He comforts us.
Just like when we don’t understand, and He shows us His faithfulness.
Over time, in that moment, or maybe just even with a blind faith He reminds us that He is good. We are good because He created us and called us good. We are only good because of His good works, His good measure, we are good through Him.
Desperately seeking, loving, surrendering, praising, worshiping, listening, speaking to, or rejoicing in God makes us obedient, reliant, and resilient in our faith. It hard presses the truths about who Jesus is and what He does by the power of His Spirit in our human hearts.
This song has been speaking to me, about the joy in being desperate for God and the cry of our hearts to be used for His glory…
Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all
Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You
I surrender
Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst
With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now
I surrender
I surrender
I want to know You more
I want to know You more
Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
[Instrumental]
Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
I surrender
I surrender
I want to know You more
I want to know You more
Hillsong United, I Surrender, Of Dirt and Grace 2016
So, today I am desperate.
Yesterday I was desperate and may have ignored it.
I am walking into tomorrow desperate…because when I get desperate, and surrender, He rejoices. He comes with all I need, right where I am.
He brings me a little closer and teaches me new things about reliance, love, and trust in a relationship built on His sacrifice. Jesus sacrificed it all…and how could I not listen when He calls since He has traded absolutely everything for my (your) heart?
The Celeste Elizabeth 