“Trust Me…”

I am so thankful for the friends that are more than patient with me.

My best friend still picks up the phone even though she is 99.5% sure of the conversation we are going to have. She knows that I keep running around in circles, that I know what I need to do but that I can’t seem to quite get there.

But she is still patiently waiting with me. Still listening. Still praying. Still encouraging. Still letting me have the same conversation ten times over when I’m sure in her head she just wants to scream, “This needs to pass!!”. I know that she knows just as well as I do that it’s not as easy as making a decision to move on or move forward. She knew I needed to hear something.

This week, that all consuming thing did pass. Maybe not in the way I desired or anticipated, but it did and a prayer was answered.

But before that…

I had it out with God while driving in the rain. I know that sounds like the Princess Diaries when Mia is trying to get to the ball and her car won’t start, but I promise you except for the transportation fail that was me. I was the loon in the Starbucks parking lot screaming in her car.

And then…

When this thing came to pass, I had the answer I had been praying for but it didn’t come in the form I wanted. I was mad, again, because I felt like I had prayed for so long for this thing to be taken from me and God waited until I was at my whits end frantically spilling caramel macchiato all over myself (plus a few days) to give me the answer that provided relief but not immediate healing.

Sometimes God speaks through people and sometimes His messages don’t come as soon as we ask for them. I feel like that is the way that He speaks to me the most, through people and not in my timing, but in His perfect timing. Sometimes God speaks to people audibly in the mountains or when things are quiet and still but for me it’s almost as if He knows that would be too easy. For me to seclude myself and wait for His voice isn’t where He needed me in order to hear these truths.

He needed to me to be run ragged and desperate so that I would actually listen. When He knew I was finally there He began speaking to me at a worship service.

I needed to actively participate, to know what it means to worship Him and bow and get on my knees and meet Him face to face. Not just sit back and demand an answer.

The same message was coming to me in multiple avenues…through social media posts, through words of friends, through sermons…

but it wasn’t until I was worshiping Him in all joy and brokenness for the sake of His glory that I heard Him whisper the same truth He’s whispered to me before that encompassed every single lyric seeping in that night…

Trust Me

Trust that I’ve got this…

Trust that I care deeply for you…

Trust that I won’t let you down…

Trust that I am good and fulfill My promises…

Trust My plan…

Trust My timing…

Trust My love…

Trust is so hard. Sometimes that’s hard for me to actively glorify Him when my trust feels diluted, when my heart hurts, when I am questioning, when I don’t feel adequate, or when I feel insecure and uncomfortable. When I don’t worship him, when I get caught up in my own preferred details and plans, I get consumed by the one thing that didn’t go my way instead of being ridiculously thankful for God’s faithfulness that is exemplified in my life…

My selfishness and greed are revealed that I’ve allowed to permeate my boldness and steadfastness in sharing the greatest story of the greatest Gift. It’s wrecked me, it’s saved me, it’s rescued me. The Rescuer is out to continue rescuing and He wants to use us as a gateway. I’m reminded that this is too good to keep to myself, and nothing should ever make me forget that. I’ve been distracted from the big picture of His work, the work that He’s invited me into so graciously.

He is orchestrating something big even when we don’t see it and even when we are frustrated with the way He is laying things before us. He sends people into our lives to model His patience, to vocalize truths about who He is, our need to trust Him, and to remind us of our purpose and greatest calling. He’s fully equipped us, joined hands with us, and chosen to use a broken people that He loves as He relentlessly pursues hearts.
Don’t miss out because of this one thing.
Because of your one, all consuming, anxiety filled thing…
Trust Him with it simply because He’s good and look at all He’s done and is doing.
He’s equipped you for so much more.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 
Psalm 51:10-13
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