Comfortable With Uncomfortable…

Four years ago, today specifically, something started shifting.

I knew something was about to change because I resist change. I creep right towards the edge and then I run back to the “safe zone” because I was fearful of the unknown. I would always joke around with people who knew my tendency to run that God would always have to hit me with a bus {a bus being the full on force of change} because the little nudges weren’t enough. Four years ago, I wasn’t brave enough to listen to God’s tiny whispers. I needed the message loud and clear.

Four years ago is when I realized that there are instances, circumstances, things…we can never predict. I began to realize from that point forward I couldn’t do it all. I will never be able to do it all. It was time that I began listen to the whispers and acknowledging the nudges that I needed to depend fully on Someone other than myself.

FourYears

At the time of what was confusion, heart break, and frustration I didn’t realize that fractured season of my life was really a catalyst for Jesus to move deep in my heart.

I had to be broken to be healed.

I had to have all my plans stripped from me to realize this wasn’t my agenda.

I had to cry a lot and process a lot and pray a lot because this change was recalibrating my heart in a drastic and sometimes painful way.

In this season of Lent, of reflection + prayer, I am learning the temptation still lingers to believe I am in control and that I can be self reliant. But what’s beautiful now, that felt disastrous then, is that this humbling process draws me {you, us} closer to God’s heart.

He shows us another glimpse of heaven,

He reveals more of His compassionate character,

He reminds us {me} that I don’t walk this path alone…

but I {you} walk it with the all knowing One who paved it for my {your} feeble feet,

my {your} weary hands,

and my {your} reckless heart.

You do not want a sacrifice, or I would give it; 

You are not pleased with a burnt offering. 

The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. 

God, you will not despise a broken and humbled heart. 

Psalm 51:16-17

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