The Humbling Moment…

Recently, I’ve been feeling like there is some funk stage that I can’t get out of.

I thought it would subside when a break came, that I might feel like the world was lifted from my shoulders, but instead of feeling relieved I only felt slightly more crushed.

I felt more pressure, more doubt, more questioning, more fear, more negativity, and more like I’m just begging to stop running because my feet hurt and my knees hurt and I’m tired and crying all over the place. It almost felt like I was tricked into running a longer and more strenuous race than I had signed up for.
After getting that type of flu-ish, gross, sick that knocks you out…because that’s what happens when your body knows you have to slow down…I realized that I was severely growing in frustration and anger.

frustrated and angry that I can’t do it all.
frustrated and angry that I can’t be perfect.
frustrated and angry that I’m not measuring up in every area.

Before you scold me, I know. I know that all of those areas of frustration are ones to smile and shake our heads at because of course we can’t have it all and we can’t be it all. It’s not possible. You’re probably also snickering because you’ve been there. I’ve, yet again, placed my self worth on a hook that nobody has placed me on.

Most importantly, that’s a hook Jesus never placed me on.

And as I sat across from my sweet friend today who reminded me of God’s love and faithfulness, she looked me in the eyes and told me what I think Jesus would tell me if He were sitting across from me. While the pressure is rising and emotions are spiraling, He would say just as she said…

“Celeste, you are so beautiful.
Not just on the exterior, but inside as well.
You need to stop thinking so negatively because you are doing great and you will continue to do great.
I know this season is hard and without companionship it might be frustrating but be patient because the time will come.”

Every little piece of my heart that was struggling with insecurity…
{even though I may not have even fully acknowledged it yet}
…in feeling beautiful, being a rockstar at my job, feeling crazy with a hectic schedule, disarray as a result of an underwhelmed soul, and even feeling like I am going at life alone, was eased and soothed with sweet words of comfort and encouragement. I could feel all of those little fragments of my heart being loved back together.

I think as I sat there, in a moment of overwhelming trust and gratitude that I hadn’t seen or felt in a really long time, I realized God is doing something. It might just be a hunch or maybe this is the reveal moment where I say, “alright, I see what you’re doing…”.
I feel like this is the part where God is saying hold on…

You can’t do this alone.
You aren’t trusting me completely and fully.
You are not putting me first.

{lauren williams}
{lauren williams}

Celeste, I have a plan for you.
It may not be laid out clearly, but I will reveal each piece to you in My perfect timing.

Celeste, rely on Me!
I am your source of strength and support. Your self worth comes from me. Don’t you dare place yourself on that hook because I never called you to be perfect. And this time of year, above all else, you should be reflecting on that Gift that I sent you in My Son.

Celeste, put Me first.
Come to Me with each day, and I will walk you through it. Come to Me with your fears, and I will ease your heart and give you reassurance and guidance.

Celeste, lay down your expectations, and your agenda.
This is not about you. I am using you for incredible things, and those incredible things do not have to be boisterously heard. Your title, responsibilities, and how many things you can manage and juggle are irrelevant. That’s not the weight you should be feeling. The weight you should be feeling is how to point people back to Me and my message of how I’ve loved them.

If there wasn’t a more humbling moment than this one…one where I realized my grip was so tight the blisters and blue knuckles were about to give way.
But why? Why do I care so much? Why does my value depend on how much I’m doing?

The truest answer for you…sin.

Maybe selfishness, greed, or a momentary loss of sight in what truly matters.
These are the moments where I am thankful for discipline, prayer and accountability. Because this, my friends, is the bottom line.

Just…

Jesus. 

I’m praying that with wonderful God-centered people around me, a whole lot of grace, and Jesus’ healing hand that I will refocus.
I believe in the deepest part of my heart I already have.

I hope that if you are feeling like me, and that if your name can be substituted anywhere mine was written, that if you are on your knees praying for revival that you would see it. I’m praying that those people who love you, who believe in you, and who want to see you succeed for His glory would be gentle enough to give you grace and help you get there like many have for me. I am praying that you would find moments of rest and comfort and that He would just awe you with His magnificent faithfulness and unconditional love. I pray that His direction and discipline would come as a tender and sweet gift.

Welcome to the humbling moment, where truth is embraced and surrender is necessary.

*to follow the blog, visit the  homepage *

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s