In almost every life shaping instance I can think of, God had to convince me that His plan is good and perfect.
I’m naturally good at building up walls and trying to make sure everything is as it should be (or my idea of as it should be…) before I can make any form of commitment.
A verbal, written, or even mental “yes” takes a lot of preparation and processing before I am comfortable enough to agree to something, especially if it’s new and scary.
However, sometimes life and sometimes even Jesus, doesn’t allow us to be comfortable before we have to say “yes” or “no”.
Recently I have been reflecting back on all the major yeses in my life from the past few years. I never cease to be astounded. I see that how even when I have come around to agreeing to do something, or taking a step forward, or maybe even a leap in an entirely new direction The Lord’s plan is FAR better than I could have ever imagined.
When I didn’t get into my first choice for college, I regretfully said yes to going to the local university and it turned out to be one of the best decisions. Financially it was a better option and I had the flexibility of working while going to school which I LOVED! I’ve never been someone who’s liked only doing school. Never have I ever…and I don’t think I ever will. God made this situation good. So, so good. My life was going an entirely different direction than I anticipated and my season was full of a lot of unsure but trusting yeses.
Shortly after figuring out what I was going to do for school I quit my job to work in ministry, at eighteen. I had recently come to understand what a relationship with Jesus was and my heart was on fire. I began working for my church and my world was rocked. It took me a while to take that leap, to leave what I knew to let God guide me and to be a leader for elementary aged kids. If it wasn’t for that yes, there wouldn’t have been other yeses to other opportunities. If I hadn’t started there I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have finally landed where I am, feeling more equipped but still inadequate (but who ever feels fully adequate for God to use them?), to do a job I only could have discovered from that first yes. Not to mention a job that I love and feel like I was made for.
When I received the phone call to be an intern for BigStuf Camps I immediately said yes. I was praying that if the opportunity would show up then that would be my sign to take the internship, even if I didn’t have everything figured out yet. So, I did. I didn’t know what my parents were going to think. I didn’t know how I would fundraise enough money to make it happen. I knew I would be leaving my job in Colorado and not knowing what I was going to do when I came home, but I said, “yes”. It was a fearless, confident “yes”, and I could voice it because I knew it was going to be ok. Three months later I gave another immediate “yes” to coming back the following summer.
I tried to bargain with God, if he ended that relationship years ago then I would say yes to a year off of dating.
It ended, I was torn apart, but I said “yes”.
I learned more about myself than I ever thought I could and a God who heals and loves and brings peace and grace with His comforting arms.
Even though I was broken, and even though my desire was different…it was hard to trust, but I did.
When Kristie challenged me that I needed to move out of my parents house when I was halfway through college, for my own health and sanity, I said “yes”.
Slowly and timidly and fearfully, but I still said yes because I knew she was right.
I knew that her blatant honesty was God speaking truth into her, after hearing my heart, and in turn she was speaking Godly truth and light into me.
When Abi told me..
You’re where you are supposed to be right now. You are.
You’re not behind, you’re not missing out or getting passed by.
You will be more than great.
..that was a humbling, “yes, you’re right.” because I knew in that moment that I needed to stop wondering about the why’s, if’s, but’s, and maybe’s. Yes, all of those things exist. Yes, I still have desires and dreams, but my fears and insecurity should not be given the opportunity to dictate how I love and influence where I am in this season.
In all of these things, there was usually a lot of prayer involved. Confused, wondering, anxious, frustrated, weary prayer. I was in conversation with God asking for direction and opportunity. When He provides it, I can’t be foolish enough to let it pass by.
This season, right now, this is my “yes”. Yes to Friday night dinners, to grabbing coffee, to hiking mountains, to putting in extra effort, to redecorating, to forgiving, to establishing, to investing into others, to getting to know people’s hearts, to thank you letters, to open hands, to listening, to leading, to writing, to time alone, to traveling, but most importantly to Him.
Your “yes” may carry a lot of weight in this season, or maybe you are learning to say “yes” to simple things more often. Either way, I am praying that your trust is rooted deeply and that you know your “yes” or “no” or “maybe” is for a purpose and for a reason.