You Are Enough…

A couple weeks ago, I was nearly brought to tears {actually I was brought to tears} every time I was frustrated when I didn’t measure up.
The season that I am in is teaching me a lot about grace and patience, busyness and margin, and the investment of yourself into a mission and a story which carries a weight heavier than you can imagine.

However, we cannot carry that weight on our own.

For the past month, I have also been grasping for a tangible Jesus that pulls me in close and focuses my eyes and my heart on Him.
That’s never been hard for me. It’s always been easy for me to be attentive, contribute to the conversation, focus during prayer, messages and worship, but recently I felt that crumble underneath me.
Exhaustion is real, and so is a God that loves you through incomplete prayers and distracted eyes.
I found myself fighting for that detail oriented faith that I know and love. The one that voices itself intentional and real.

Recently I’ve been burdened and felt like I can’t contribute to a conversation the way I usually do, that I’m not making the connections I am supposed to, and that no matter how hard I try to focus the distractions are over powering everything simple and fragile.
I separated myself, walked away, and prayed for a direct spirit but my heart was still struggling to find balance.

While there is difficulty in that we also know there is fruit. We endure difficult seasons to learn more about ourselves, our dreams and passions, and the calling instilled in us by a Creator so magnificent that He sustains us. He greets us with understanding and beckons us into rest.

I couldn’t come to this understanding on my own. It was such a struggle to see any of this days ago. Kristie is my person that knows me inside and out and does her best to console and advise this twenty something in the most loving, motherly way. She was trying to understand the state of my heart and why I was struggling so hard to find contentment and joy. She said I sounded drained, which is probably very accurate.

And then she told me this,
“Maybe this is what He’s trying to teach you, Celeste. You are enough, even in the moments where you can’t serve the way you want to serve. You are enough as you are, right. now. 

You. Are. Ok.” 

But I don’t want to just be ok. I don’t want to just merely exist.

I want to be present,
fight for community,
laugh,
love people well,
listen,
write and write some more,
invest,
focus,
enjoy the process,
learn,
contribute,
and make time to remember the memories being made in these moments,

More than anything else, I’ve wanted to intentionally and feverishly fight for the time that I spend at Jesus’ feet.  Where He gets to unravel my heart and with His steady hand, sift out what needs to be taken by the wind, and reinforce what needs to stick with me as He continues to grow and stretch me.

That’s really what I’ve been missing. Compared to everything else worldly, that’s where I have felt like I’ve failed the most.

“All eyes on me, Celeste. I am with you, you are ok.”
I am ok.

Whether I believe it and internalize it or not.
The Lord is not upset with me that I am pouring everything out and I have nothing left to give. He is teaching me lessons through these moments where I will remember and emphasize my dependence on Him for strength and a direct, loving spirit. My heart of hearts believes that He will show me ways and give me margin for my list of desires on how I want to serve and invest my life, love and time. First, I must seek Him.
I feel pressed and reminded to seek Him, through desperation and uncontainable joy, in every season.

The distractions and busyness are enough to cloud the truth He is guiding towards your heart, but the prayer is that we would make the time to hear it. I feel like as we learn and grow, the less time it will take.

He is whispering that I am {you are} enough because He has graciously and lovingly claimed you as such.

First and Everything

Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. 

Colossians 2:7

 

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