Waiting remains a difficult season. I feel like this season of my life is consistent waiting. Waiting to finish school, waiting to get to the next season, waiting for a break, waiting to be defined by dreams and not obligations. I am impatient that I remain unfinished, that I am only twenty years old, that I’m not done with school yet. But in this constant battle of discontentment and frustration I tend to forget that just because I am young does not mean I am incapable or invaluable. I also tend to forget that I don’t get to rush the timeline. I forget I shouldn’t want to.
I forget that we are never finished…but perfectly unfinished.
My family dynamic forced me to grow up quickly. I learned to care and worry about things on a regular basis. It has made me want to wish away this season of singleness, this season of being young with multiple forks in the road ahead of me, because in my mind I have always been capable of handling more. I always used to think that becoming more complete came with age, but in this season I have realized two things.
1) If I ever stop learning then I will get knocked in the knees with humility.
There is no finish line. Each season of life brings something new, but at the same time these seasons aren’t always definable by age. Some are. My journey is different, your journey is different, and I look forward to sharing our similarities and differences. I look forward to learning and growing because of the value in sharing with the wonderful, amazing, patient, and gracious people in our lives. There is the opportunity to learn and grow from people whatever their age, stage of life, background, mess (past or present cause we’ve all got it), or what circumstances they have managed to master and handle with grace. Maybe those same circumstances we find ourselves in today.
2) Wishing the seasons away doesn’t allow me to appreciate the beauty of the here and now.
By wishing away our circumstances that we may not like because we think the next season will be so much better, is only going to lead us to disappointment. When we think, “If I could only get past this one thing, then I would be so happy”, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Yes, there is satisfaction in accomplishment. I am a HUGE to-do list person, literally without one I feel lost. Crossing things off is satisfying.
BUT crossing things off does not make us complete. You can still be rushed, half done, and undercooked with a million and one things highlighted pink in your planner and that little pat on your back. Sometimes we need to take our time, relish in what’s good or tricky or trying and come out at the next mile marker learning more from one accomplishment than from ten. I do not want to wish these seasons away. I want to enjoy, embrace, and evolve from each one. I want God in every step, breath, action, word, decision, opportunity, and trial because I know that I can’t make it without Him. Among this desire, I have also realized that I don’t get to change people’s outlook on me. I could cross off everything on my to-do list for the week involving growing in God, keeping my house in order, spending time with people I love, being active, school assignments, and working in ministry but in others eyes I still might be young, I still might not be good enough.
I still might be unfinished.
However, take heart because you are not to be underestimated just because you are young and unfinished or because you are 65 and still unfinished. People are going to school or back to school at all ages. Constantly learning and constantly growing in different phases and life stages. People are placed in positions that they may feel unqualified for but God has an amazing race for them to run. It is when we humbly lay ourselves down, with every turn, stop and start, that we learn and learn again to trust in God’s guiding hand. Then we are filled with the most glorious light and are enabled with the humble courage, strength, patience, capacity, and love to do the work laid out in front of us while embracing the people along side us.
Just as you have been embraced too.
I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess the perfection for which Christ first possessed me.