Sometimes being a follower of anything can be one of the scariest roles we will ever play in life…it’s terrifying when you have to take all of your trust and put it in something besides your own hands.
When we hear people saying they are going where God is leading and trusting in His plan it’s almost as if we envy them. We want to have that kind of trust even when we are so scared. We want to be able to trust fall into the arms of our Heavenly Father and say, “I know you got me!” That feeling is like one of those too good to be true, only certain people can do that, moments. Until recently I saw this trust fall as only applying to a specific situation, but it’s not so.
We have to trust fall even when we are standing still. For me, it was when I had to trust that God had a plan for me staying in my hometown for college and living with my parents. He did have a plan, but my first semester of college I was too prideful and ignorant to open my eyes. I felt like I had to combat everyone that was whispering I wouldn’t amount to anything staying here, that I lacked independence, when the truth was I just didn’t know where to go after my dreams were crushed and my plan inevitably changed. I spent too much time being mad. God opened doors into ministry, dance, and even within my broken home that would not have happened if He hadn’t closed every door when I tried to get away. He wanted me to be present in the here and now to work through some nitty gritty stuff I wouldn’t have addressed otherwise. Only after time has passed did I get a glimpse to begin my understanding of why.
The stories we hear about the trust fall usually involve a plane and very little direction. Yes, these are the most exciting moments where our trust in God is tested. A lot of people ask me, why BigStuf? Why a summer camp where you have to fundraise to go? And the only answer I can give them is that God called me there. At first interning for BigStuf was a small interest, I didn’t really know where my intentions were or how much I wanted it. When the application came out, I filled out as much as I could immediately but then it took a back burner until December. In December, I got the reminder e-mail that the application was due in a couple weeks and I shot back a reply saying I didn’t think I was going to apply this year. God quickly changed my mind. I remember driving to church one day, thinking about the possibility of BigStuf, and I was just filled with so much joy and excitement. I could hear him whispering to me that I needed to take this chance and trust Him. And I did. While I was waiting for the answer on my rushed application I was peaceful, I knew God would do what He wanted to do. And when I got that phone call my response was instantaneous. YES! Of course! No matter what fears arise, God lays a hand on my shoulder and asks me if I trust Him. “I worked to make this happen for you, you have to trust me to take it, you have to trust me to follow through, you have to trust me to mold you, shape you, and make you into the woman of God I want you to be.”
When He does that I feel like I just sit there baffled. Just looking at Him and nodding my head “yes” because sometimes it feels impossible for me to believe that a God so wonderful has a prosperous plan carved out for my life. I am that VALUABLE to Him. As are each of you, only the God of the Heavens and all the Earth could have billions of children and have a life planned for each of them, not perfect, but a life worth living. He does that even when there is the possibility that we will turn our backs and walk away, ignorant and unaware of what we are turning down.
When I really think about that, fear disappears. I can’t do anything except say, “Where you lead, I will follow…”.
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.
I’ve come to realize that I’m not allowed to plan anymore, and if I do, I have to be willing to turn all of that over to God. To trust Him whole heartedly, to be vulnerable with my fears and insecurities, and to let truth penetrate my heart. I have to admit that I will never have all the answers, I may never fully understand, and I have to realize I can’t explain everything. I am not all knowing, I have no power, I am a simply messy human being living life only because of the power of love.
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I trust him.