When I think of amazing people that inspire me I think of people that have a heart for others that some may think are undeserving, people that are optimistic about life even when I would consider it barely surviving, and people that genuinely love from the pits of their souls and give everything they can up, sacrificially, for the greater good. I don’t see any of these qualities as mistakes or any way that they could be faulty. I see them as courageous and bold to accept things that may even be uncomfortable or even irritating. I see them as admirable.
Recently, I have caught myself asking and praying to be numb. I have asked not to care, not to desire, and not to feel what I feel because I simply just don’t like what I’m feeling. The reason I am craving this numbness boils down to the fact that I want to be the best that I am called to be. But somehow these two prayers don’t align with each other. I can’t get to who I am aiming to be unless I accept the fact that I feel.
I need to be vulnerable and feel hurt, pain, sadness, rejection, temptation, stress and strain.
I also need to be vulnerable and feel joy, happiness, passion, desire, amazement, and even love.
If I ignore the fact that these feelings, emotions, exist in our world then I am naïve.
I will feel all of these things, there’s no doubt about it. There’s no point in jumping on the perfection band-wagon because it’s not going to take me anywhere I want to or need to go. It will take me to destruction, disappointment, and dead ends of failure. I think my struggle may be that I spend so much time looking at who I should be and how I am not perfectly and precisely getting there that I forget that there’s grace. I forget that there’s forgiveness. I forget that there’s peace. I forget that there’s love.
I’ll be honest and confess that I haven’t found a happy medium where I accept and acknowledge my feelings while pounding out the self critiques and plans of action. All I know…who I am now is someone to be at peace with because I have come a long way, even though I still have a long road to travel.
I won’t get there over night but I will keep on walking.
I hope you will too.
I hope you remember that you are accepted and loved for who you are today and who you will improve upon tomorrow…