From April 18th, 2013
Hours and hours upon hours of our lives our minds are racing with thoughts.
Our minds revolve around various things, some of our minds constantly revolve around eating and how others are perceiving our figure.
How many calories, too many carbs, I haven’t worked out yet today, I need to run an extra mile because I ate that, I don’t look like that and I NEED to look like that. When these thoughts are uncontrollable and have reached a point of obsession, there is a problem.
Sometimes our minds take us to dark places. Places where we feel like we don’t have any choice except to be drastic to try and reach the place of perfection that our mind is taking us towards. Our minds can get clouded by a veil that creeps in, suppresses, oppresses, and keeps us further from the truth.
There is difficulty when I want affirmation that I am good enough. Sometimes I think, I would be better if this part of me was different. Somehow I think that it would make me more likable. Maybe it would for a period of time. Maybe it would draw initial attraction, but what will make people in my life stick around? The way my body looks? Or how I feel, react, perceive, interact, believe, and live life? I think it is pretty clear that one outweighs the other.
At a young age, I first developed this idea of sexuality as being appealing. The way I walked, what topics of conversation I engaged in, how much skin I showed. At a young age, I also began to put myself next to people and measure my self worth by the comparison of our waistlines. When I was thirteen, I was told that I needed to lose weight if I ever wanted to be on pointe as a dancer. That broke me. As I started high school, I also began to follow an obsessive trend that consumed my thoughts more than my school work, my dancing, my friends or my family. I have dieted, cleansed, switched up work out routines, and I’ve been literally looking down from the edge of the cliff to see what my life would be like at rock bottom. Luckily, I never went there but that doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much someone tells you how beautiful you are. Sometimes it just doesn’t help. That day that I was told I wasn’t good enough I should have turned to Jesus but instead I remained behind my veil. That veil that lead me further from Jesus and closer to destruction.
Moses had a veil. The veil covered Moses face when he chose to speak to the people and not to the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:14-16 reads, “But the people’s minds were hardened, and to this day whenever the old covenant is being read, the same veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth. And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ. Yes, even today when they read Moses’ writings, their hearts are covered with that veil, and they do not understand. But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.”
As Moses denied the truth, we also deny the truth. We deny that we are beautiful because of what people will say, not because of what God says. And who are we listening to? And who is more important?
I never listened. I spent years dedicated to my “image” that fluctuated. When I am nervous and stressed I don’t eat at all (some people have the opposite effect) and when I was happy and everything was find I would begin to be on a “normal” track again. But the track as a whole wasn’t normal.
God was trying to tell me, ” You don’t need anyone’s approval but mine! And I bought you at the ultimate price, with the death of my Son! Accept Him! Let me embrace you! And this veil will be removed from your heart!” I wish I listened.
When I finally did listen, it’s like the battle I faced against my body was over. It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle because I am human and I fall but I get picked right back up. But that veil, that lead me to over analyzing myself and questioning if I was good enough for anyone or anything, was torn when I met Jesus.
I pray that if you have ever encountered obsessive feelings or actions about body image that you will look into the eyes of your Savior and let Him tell you how much you are worth to Him. You’re worth everything.
I pray that you will not let anyone on this Earth tear you down for the perfection that no one will ever be whether it is body image or any other regard. God loves you so much that He accepts you the way you are, but He loves you too much that He won’t leave you this way. He will walk through every aspect of life with you if you let Him. Realizing this, it is beautiful.
I pray that you eat healthy to feel good and to experience everything life has to offer, not to fit into a stereotypical box. I pray that you exercise to be healthy, relieve stress, spend time outdoors, not to push yourself to the point of despise and unhappiness. I pray that you can walk away from that edge where you can see rock bottom and choose to look up towards the sky to see love, grace, beauty, opportunity and acceptance.
Let God’s love rock you. If you are skeptical, tell Him that…He may surprise you.