Flying While Frozen…

Life is flying by, a million miles an hour. It feels like I look back on what I think is yesterday and it is too far gone for me to even fathom.

While my minutes turn to days, and my days turn to weeks and pretty soon the months are passing faster than I can keep up, I feel like I am frozen. Frozen within limits that I didn’t create for myself, that’s the frustrating part, so when I try to push my limit I don’t fall forward and I don’t step backwards.

I stay.

I am forced to be silent. It’s for my own good and I know it. Surrounded by thoughts, people, noise, chaos…I need silence every once and a while to allow the tug-of-war in my heart to subside. Sometimes, we don’t want to accept what we need when we know we need it the most. We provide pushback because we know it may be difficult, painful, strenuous.

It feels like a battle that subtly grows until there is a breakthrough, then there is a pleasant calm to just…rest. We can see it, we can feel it, but we don’t want it at the starting point. We want it so bad but we don’t want to go through what it will take to get us to the next mark. We pray to accept it and let it sweep over us. We are just waiting to be broken. Totally and completely broken because it would almost feel better that way.

You don’t just sit there waiting for something to happen. You breathe, you laugh, you work, you relate, you grow. Then in timing that is in no control of yours, you will see the benefits of this struggle. You will climb out of the valley and reach the mountain top. You will be able to rest.